Thinking of getting a doggo with your gf or bf? 5 tips to have it all and avoid dog custody battles.
We all remember that scene from Legally Blonde so well — Paulette standing up for herself, confronting her ex, and taking custody of her doggo, Rufus. And yes, we wish it were that simple in real life. But it’s not.
Relationships are complicated, and they become even more complicated when everything ends. Sometimes things can get nasty, with everything ending in explosive words, jibes and arguments. Nobody wants that — and yet, the person you couldn’t live without one day becomes that person you just can’t stand the next day.
Pet custody seems more cut-and-dry when a couple divorces. There are clear laws and rules for parents to take custody of their fur baby, depending on the case or situation.
Yet, fur baby custody also becomes more complicated when an unmarried couple splits up. There is no divorce to define or finalize anything. What do you do in this case?
Define your terms together when you first get a doggo.
If you’re getting a doggo together, it’s clear that the relationship is pretty serious, even though you both might not be sure just how serious it is. Perhaps you recently moved in together, are loving it, and want to move forward by getting a doggo together. Perhaps this is something you have both been talking about for a while, looking at breeders and shelters. Perhaps you saw your cute doggo and spontaneously made the decision to snatch up your fur baby together!
Whatever the case, defining doggo custody should be a part of the adoption conversion. It’s just as important as talking about which vet you should go to or what dog food you should buy. It’s most likely that you will come up with a joint custody plan, which is great. It sets up all other conversations about your fur baby with this amicable and collaborative ending in mind, if the two of you were to split up.
Do everything you can for your fur baby (with your partner).
Now that some awkward conversations are out of the way, it will be easier for you and your partner to focus on raising your fur baby together. As you dive into pet parenthood together, you will discover so many new things and will be faced with a lot of unexpected challenges and surprises! One parent might be better at training and walking the doggo, while the other parent might be better at vet checkups and dog socialization responsibilities.
Both of you will start to get into a rhythm of living with and raising your fur baby. It might make sense to ‘formally’ divide up responsibilities as this happens to ensure that you are both doing everything you can for your fur baby! Don’t hesitate to become more deliberate in the relationship. Set up dog dates with your partner, evening or weekend walks or hikes as a family. These moments are priceless and reduce stress.
Talk through what’s best for your fur baby if one of you has to move or as the relationship changes.
Life never stands still. We are all grinding away and forging forward in our life paths and career paths. Sometimes this means moving to a new city or a new location to take advantage of all the possibilities. Or it might mean shifting pet parent responsibilities as one parent becomes busier or needs to travel. When this happens, take a moment to talk about it with your partner. Are you both okay with these changes? Are there ways to compromise on pet parent responsibilities?
If you feel like you are going to break up, record everything you do for your fur baby.
If you feel like the relationship is changing too fast or not going the way you thought it would, you are not alone! It’s hard figuring out whether this is the time to talk about it some more with your partner or if things are moving towards a break up for the two of you. It’s an in-between state, an in-between feeling.
Whatever the situation is between you and your partner, you should continue to remain mindful of your fur baby responsibilities. You don’t want your doggo suffering because the relationship is suffering. Try to avoid pet custody battles by recording everything you do for your dog and bringing up pet care concerns with your partner if you feel that they are neglecting your fur baby in any way. Talk through the possibilities with the relationship — maybe this is a rough patch, maybe you need a temporary break.
In extreme cases where you might find yourself in a custody battle, remember that the courts consider the following questions when determining pet custody:
Who feeds the pet?
Who adopted the pet?
Who purchases food, toys and other things for the pet?
Who walks the pet?
Who takes the pet to the vet?
Who protects the pet?
Who spends the most time with the pet?
Talk about putting your terms into action and defining logistics if it’s clear you are breaking up.
We hope that your break up ends amicably, if there must be a split up. If it’s clear that you are breaking up, talk through how you will turn your initial custody decisions, that you had talked about at the beginning of the relationship, into a weekly or monthly action plan:
Who does doggo live with this week? this weekend?
What about next week and next weekend?
It’s okay to take things one week at a time as the two of you figure out your new relationship together after the split up. The most important thing is that your doggo remains healthy, happy, and connected to the both of you.
Team Pawsitive
